The Year Everything Fell Apart — and the Day He Stopped Showing Up

He stopped showing up. So, I became everything she needed.

This past year has been nothing less than crazy for me. My life completely flipped in a direction I never saw coming — and it hasn’t been an easy road.

When I met my boyfriend, I thought the timing couldn’t have been worse. I was in survival mode. I had a temporary restraining order against my daughter’s father (don’t worry, we’ll get into all that tea because it’s both juicy and a complete joke at this point). My life was an actual disaster. I was a walking red flag with a highlight reel of chaos — and somehow, this man still chose me.

I don’t know what was going through his head when he decided to stick around… but he did. And looking back now, I realize the universe handed me exactly what I needed — even when I didn’t feel ready for it.

Learning to Let Love In

I wasn’t planning to jump into anything serious with him. Honestly, it was just supposed to be fun — something light in the middle of the mess. After everything I’ve gone through in life, I didn’t think I deserved to be truly loved. I told myself I wasn’t ready, that I was too broken, that no one should have to deal with everything I came with.

But no matter how many times I tried to push that man away, he kept showing up. Again and again. Not just saying he loved me — showing it. He saw the woman underneath the damage, the one I forgot even existed.

So, little by little, I started to let my walls down.

And then — I’d overthink. I’d spiral. I’d panic. And just like that, the walls would slam back up. It’s been a vicious cycle: tearing them down, doing the hard work, thinking I’m finally safe… only to crash and rebuild the same damn walls again.

When My Daughter’s World Fell Apart

And in the middle of trying to navigate all of this — the healing, the new relationship, the emotional rollercoaster — my daughter’s world got flipped upside down too.

Her dad and I had actually done a pretty great job co-parenting for years. Sure, we had our moments (who doesn’t?), but we were always able to work through things and keep it out of court. For five years, we made it work.

Until this past year.

I started noticing changes in him — fast. The girlfriend he’d been with the entire time we were apart was moving out, and there was already a new woman around my daughter. The red flags were waving, and it wasn’t long before everything spiraled.

She had a reputation. Married with two kids. And according to multiple people I talked to, she’d leave her husband for a few months to chase a new guy, then go right back when she was over it. I also heard she had a serious drug problem. So yeah… I had every reason to be concerned about who he was bringing around our daughter.

To make matters worse, he had already moved this woman in within weeks of his last girlfriend moving out.

Hayley and I had just gotten back from a week-long vacation, and suddenly he decided that, because I had taken her away, he was going to keep her the entire next week. I wasn’t okay with that — it wasn’t agreed on, and it wasn’t about what was best for her. So, I went to pick her up like I always did.

When I got there… she was home alone.

Ten years old. No adult supervision. That was it for me.

So, I did what I think anyone in their right mind would do: I told her to come with me. At first, she resisted — because by that point, he had drilled into her head that I was the enemy. That I was trying to keep them apart. That I was “crazy.” None of it was true, but she was a child caught in the middle of his manipulations.

When he found out she was with me… he showed up at my house. And that’s when shit hit the fan.

The Restraining Order

I’m pretty sure he was high and drunk when he showed up that night — though he’d never admit it. What happened next was traumatizing, not just for me, but for my daughter. Enough that I was granted a temporary restraining order.

He stood outside my house screaming all kinds of nasty things about me while I refused to open the door. That part? Sadly, I could handle. It wasn’t my first time watching this show.

But then he crossed a line — one I couldn’t ignore.

He aggressively threatened to kill me.

I immediately called the after-hours line for the courts, explained everything, and within hours I was granted a restraining order. It would stay in place until our court date, which was scheduled for two weeks out.

Getting him served with the order was a whole other circus. He dodged the cops for days — not that I was surprised. He knew what he had done. It wasn’t until it was his day to take Hayley that we were finally able to catch him. Even then, it was a mess. He showed up, we tried to get the police there in time, and they just missed him. Then — in typical coward fashion — he sent his girlfriend to my house at 10 PM to try and get Hayley instead.

Same thing. Cops showed up just after she left. Only this time, they were pissed too. So, they drove straight to his place — and finally served him.

From that moment on, he was legally barred from contacting either me or Hayley until the court date. And I was actually scared for my life. I didn’t know what he was capable of anymore. He had changed — completely. And for those two weeks, I walked on eggshells.

Even Hayley didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

I knew I needed legal help, and fast. I started searching for lawyers — not just for the restraining order, but because I finally realized I needed to get a custody order in place. Up until now, we’d done everything informally. That was no longer safe.

After meeting with a lawyer and talking through my options, I decided to represent myself at the restraining order hearing — but I kept him on retainer for the custody case. He still allowed me to ask questions about my hearing, which was a huge help.

The day of court came… and my anxiety was through the roof.

I thought I had a solid case — I had video footage of him threatening me. But he did what he does best: lied his way through it. He claimed it was said "in anger" and didn’t mean anything.

And somehow… the judge dropped it.

Now I was scared all over again.

My lawyer warned me that if I withheld Hayley from him without a formal order, it would hurt my custody case. So even though it made me sick to my stomach, I had to start letting her see him again.

Watching Her Break

A couple of weeks into the school year, everything started unraveling — fast.

He was already skipping school drop-offs, and Hayley was an emotional mess. Looking back now, I don’t blame her one bit. She had gone through so much — her whole world flipped, and now she was trying to adjust to a new school on top of everything else.

Then one morning, around 9 a.m., I got a call from her.

She was trying to wake her father up so he could take her to school — and he wouldn’t budge.

My heart dropped.

In the back of my mind, I really thought he had overdosed.

I immediately went into panic mode, trying to get answers and figure out how to get her out of there. It turned out he was “just sleeping,” but that moment broke something in me. That level of fear — that it was now even a possibility — was the final straw.

This wasn’t just about me anymore. It never really was. But now, more than ever, I knew I had to protect her at all costs.

I picked her up and brought her to school, but she just fell apart.

For a good week or two after that, she fought me every single day about going to school. Full-on meltdowns. Screaming. Refusing to get out of the car. She acted like a toddler again — and it broke my heart to watch.

Eventually, the school had to step in to help. Slowly, she started settling back into her routine, and drop-offs got easier. But life at her dad’s still wasn’t safe.

He missed picking her up from school — again and again — without telling anyone. One time, it was his night to keep her, and he went over 24 hours without contacting her or me.

No one knew where he was.

Clearly, this wasn’t an environment she needed to be in anymore. And slowly, I think even he started to realize that.

The Day He Stopped Showing Up

There’s one day I’ll never forget — a quiet Sunday afternoon in November.

He asked me to take her during his scheduled time. Of course I did.

And that… was the last time he saw her.

No big goodbye. No dramatic exit. Just… silence. And honestly? That silence said more than anything he ever could.

In that moment, I knew things had shifted for good. I didn’t know what the next chapter would look like — how I’d manage everything on my own, how my daughter would process being abandoned, or how I’d keep healing while stepping fully into survival mode again.

But I did know this: We were on our own now. And somehow, we were going to be okay.