Decluttering My Mind (and House) to Feel Human Again

Most of my life, I’ve been a pretty messy person. Like, laundry baskets instead of dressers messy — because let’s be honest, I wasn’t folding anything or putting it away. Even my poor kids had to spend five chaotic minutes every morning digging through piles just to find something clean to wear. I was deep in survival mode, and keeping a clean, organized home was the last thing on my mind. At that point, honestly, my kids were lucky they were clothed, fed, and still alive. I don’t even know how I kept myself functioning most days — but as moms, somehow, we always find a way to push through.

I’ve always felt like my space — whether it’s my house, my car, or my work area — is a mirror of whatever’s going on in my mind. When my head is a chaotic mess, everything around me is too. I didn’t have the mental or physical energy to keep up with life, let alone clean up after myself and everyone else. I did the bare minimum to make sure things weren’t totally disgusting, but honestly? There was stuff everywhere. Especially in my room — most days, you couldn’t even see the floor under all the clean laundry.

During the time I was single for a few years, really trying to focus on myself and become a better mom, I can see the evolution of the mess. In the beginning, I kept myself so busy — I couldn’t stand to be alone. I was never home, and guess what? My house stayed a disaster. I was prioritizing drinking, going out, and distracting myself over... well, almost everything else. I was a mom when I had to be, but it was on my time. And even though I wasn’t always the best one, I can see how far I’ve come in just the past couple of years. That shift in how I show up — for myself and my kids — has been one of the clearest markers of healing.

But back to the chaos. That constant state of survival. The truth is that time really does heal all wounds — or at least softens them. Sure, you can do the work and take steps to move forward, but there are some things that just take time. And when that time finally passes, and you look back at the thing you swore you’d never get through, it’s like—damn. I actually made it. And there’s nothing more empowering than that.

Now that I’m finally in a safe space (and have come to terms with the fact that I probably have a little undiagnosed OCD), messes actually drive me insane. My poor daughter and boyfriend — they catch the brunt of it. 😅 But don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect. When I slip into one of my funks, I go right back to being that girl who doesn’t give a single damn about the clutter. The dishes pile up, laundry takes over, and I just stop caring. It’s like my environment matches whatever storm is going on inside me.

But eventually, I hit that point where I couldn’t live in the chaos anymore. I didn’t start by spending hours deep cleaning and organizing every inch of my house. I started small. Baby steps. One day I tackled the living room. The next day, my room. And then, slowly, one little space at a time, things started to shift.

Laundry… well, that’s a different beast entirely. I still have to mentally prepare myself for that one. But let me tell you — it feels amazing to just grab the clothes I need without digging through a wrinkled black mountain of “I’ll fold it later” (especially when most of my wardrobe is black… which, let’s be real, matches my soul). That simple change alone brought so much peace to my brain.

Over time, I noticed my mind finally relaxing inside what should’ve always been my safe space — my home. It’s hard to feel calm when every corner you turn, there’s chaos staring back at you. But I get it. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s so hard to find the motivation to even start. That’s why I swear by starting small — one surface, one task, one corner. And when you do that one thing? It feels… good. Accomplishing. Empowering. It gives you a little hit of momentum. And those small things? They add up fast. Before you know it, the clutter becomes easier to manage, and you’re not constantly drowning in five loads of laundry — because folding one is a hell of a lot easier than five.

Another thing that’s helped me a lot is writing to-do lists. I know it sounds basic, but keeping track of what I need to get done each day makes everything feel way less overwhelming. When it’s all just floating around in my head, I shut down. But when it’s written out? It feels manageable. And honestly, there is something ridiculously satisfying about crossing things off at the end of the day — even if one of them was just “take out the trash.” Progress is progress and seeing it in black and white reminds me that I am doing something, even on the hard days.

One trick I use is stacking tasks in a way that builds momentum. For example, I’ll start a load of laundry, and while that’s going, I move on to another area of the house. Yesterday, I tackled the living room — cleared all the crap off the coffee table that made us look like total slobs the second you walked in the door, rearranged a few things so it felt more put-together, swept, and dusted. By the time I finished, it was time to switch the laundry to the dryer. And boom — two things done, and I already felt lighter. When you work with your time instead of trying to do everything at once, it makes the whole thing feel less overwhelming and way more doable.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten came from my aunt — and if you asked me who I look up to most, it’s her without a doubt. She told me: “Get up every morning and make your bed.” At the time, I didn’t get it. It felt pointless. But once I actually, did it? Game changer. My room looks ten times cleaner just from that one habit — even if there’s still a pair of jeans on the floor or a hoodie on the chair. And at night? There is nothing better than pulling back the covers and crawling into a cozy, made bed. Instant comfort!

Some days I still fall behind — because healing isn’t linear, and life doesn’t always go as planned. But when I stick to the small daily things, I feel like I can breathe again. Like I’m in control of something, even if it’s just my environment. It’s not about having a perfect home.

It’s about feeling safe and calm in the space around you.

If you’re in the thick of it, start with one thing. One load of laundry. One cleared surface. One deep breath.

And if you need a little help keeping track of it all, I’m working on a simple Daily Reset Habit Checklist that you’ll be able to download soon — it’s the exact kind of list I use when life feels like too much and I just need a place to start.

👉 Free printable checklist coming soon — stay tuned or follow along on Pinterest/Instagram @UntanglingHer so you don’t miss it.

You don’t have to do it all at once. You just have to start.